How come i am trying to dress like my best friend from high school today ?

I really don't know what's the reason why i am trying to dress like my female best friend from high school today. I'm an cross dresser and I'm a guy naturally I'm 19 years old and my original name is Joe but i liked to be called Joyce as my alter ego. Back in high school i had a female best friend that i used to hangout with her all the time at lunch. She is an African American girl and her name is Te Erika and boy she has a great sense of fashion and style. She would always wear either a beautiful knee length floral colorful dress or long skinny jeans or a knee length skirt with a cute shirt with an amazing pair of 4 or 5 inch black stiletto pumps. She was my best friend and she and i would talk with each other a lot and i had a secret crush on her. But somehow now since I graduated from high school and i don't see her anymore i started cross dressing to be like her and i miss her badly. I went and bought dresses and skirts and long skinny jean pants and some 5 inch stiletto pumps. I got one pair of stiletto pumps and I'm planning to get one more to add to my collection. I even bought a wig that looks like her hair on halloween from a halloween supply store to look like her. How come i am cross dressing like my best friend from high school ???? I really miss her a lot and i can't see her anymore because i don't go to the school and i can't drive. I don't even have a girlfriend at the age of 19 and i never dated in high school because i never had the courage to approach a girl to ask them out because i am shy.